R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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