I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
