he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
