I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
