Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
