oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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