So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
