I didn't shave. On purpose
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's never too late to be topless.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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