Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
