My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
