You can't special order awesome
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
