Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
