i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
