So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
