he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
