Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
