you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
40s are totally the cure
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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