i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
