I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
