I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
