jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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