Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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