so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
