So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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