im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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