woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
