If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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