Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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