u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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