mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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