turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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