Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
