Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
