The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
