Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
