I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
