im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
