its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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