dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
