She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ladies don't puke and tell
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think my moral compass just broke
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
