everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
