Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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