She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
