my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
