I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
