I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
