do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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