sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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