he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
