he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
