Me. At least after what I've been through.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
