That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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