HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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