Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
