Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
